“Ahem. Thank you, evil swine-elves. Well, first off, the ever wonderful Critical Mick is hosting an interview with Chief Evil Swine-Elf Declan Burke, most of which seems to be a load of old cobblers about sharks, Spartans, Francis Wilson reading the Sky weather reports, trading karate kicks with Westlife, interviewing Leonard Cohen, the joys of DIY publishing and how his wife won’t let him have a cat because she’s secretly jealous of them. Then there’s Pulp Pusher, bless their cotton socks, who for some reason best known only to themselves have posted up a piece by the Chief Evil Swine-Elf where he talks a lot about toilet brushes and the difficulty in flushing rejection letters. I ask you, is this literature? Back in my day, we had real writers. And they didn’t talk about toilet brushes. Except maybe that DH Lawrence. And James Joyce liked poo-stains. But other than them, it was ….”Erm, yes. Cheers, HR - now here’s a hookah, go away and do what you do best …
“Declan Burke is his own genre. The Lammisters dazzles, beguiles and transcends. Virtuoso from start to finish.” – Eoin McNamee “This bourbon-smooth riot of jazz-age excess, high satire and Wodehouse flamboyance is a pitch-perfect bullseye of comic brilliance.” – Irish Independent Books of the Year 2019 “This rapid-fire novel deserves a place on any bookshelf that grants asylum to PG Wodehouse, Flann O’Brien or Kyril Bonfiglioli.” – Eoin Colfer, Guardian Best Books of the Year 2019 “The funniest book of the year.” – Sunday Independent “Declan Burke is one funny bastard. The Lammisters ... conducts a forensic analysis on the anatomy of a story.” – Liz Nugent “Burke’s exuberant prose takes centre stage … He plays with language like a jazz soloist stretching the boundaries of musical theory.” – Totally Dublin “A mega-meta smorgasbord of inventive language ... linguistic verve not just on every page but every line.” – Irish Times “Above all, The Lammisters gives the impression of a writer enjoying himself. And so, dear reader, should you.” – Sunday Times “A triumph of absurdity, which burlesques the literary canon from Shakespeare, Pope and Austen to Flann O’Brien … The Lammisters is very clever indeed.” – The Guardian
Thursday, August 2, 2007
“HR Pufnstuf / He’s Your Friend When Things Get Rough …”
Lost Classic # 264: Putting The Boot In by Dan Kavanagh
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Gallows Humour: Laughing All The McGilloway To The Bank
Things reached a peak for James [Kelly] when he took a shine to a neighbour’s daughter, Mary Gallagher, who was seventeen. Their blossoming relationship seemed to keep James on the straight and narrow right up until the day, just a week shy of his sixteenth birthday, when he discovered that Mary was in fact his half-sister, the product of one of his father’s clandestine affairs. Things became further complicated when it transpired that Mary was pregnant with James’ child and, in the manner of parochial Irish towns country-wide, the girl was sent to live with an aunt in England and James became the wandering protagonist in his own personal Greek tragedy. […]If you haven't already got your grubby mitts on Borderlands, we'd advise you to do so toot sweet. This bandwagon is officially leaving the station ...
Finally, Kelly had been injured fleeing the scene of an armed robbery just over the border and had been arrested by the RUC, the law in the North before the Police Service of Northern Ireland was established. He had served eight years of a twelve year sentence before allegedly finding God and, the Friday previous to my meeting him, had earned early release for good behaviour. All of this Superintendent Costello had explained to me that Sunday morning in his office. Costello had received word from the PSNI that Kelly had been released from Maghaberry Prison. Since then, Costello had posted someone on the border waiting for Kelly to appear – which he finally did.
‘I don’t want Kelly coming back here, making trouble, Benedict. If he arrives, convince him to stay on the Northern side of the border, eh?’
‘What’s he done?’ I asked.
‘Found Jesus, apparently; that’s why they let the wee shite out.’
‘Maybe he has,’ I suggested.
‘What?’
‘Found Jesus.’
‘I doubt it,’ Costello said. 'If Jesus knew Kelly was looking for Him, He would’ve hid.’
All The World’s A Stage And Each Must Write His (Or Her) Part
“Smokey, This Is Not ’Nam. This Is Bowling. There Are Rules.”
Put The Bleme On Meme, Boys
Critical Mick
It’s A Crime! Or A Mystery!
The Rap Sheet
Petrona
After Dark My Sweet
As for the all-important definition of ‘schmoozeworthy’, quoth Peter:
“I’m not quite sure the creator of the award used schmooze quite correctly. To schmooze, or to schmooze someone, means to engage (someone) in a warm, pleasant conversation. Later, it came to mean to talk to with the purpose of gaining advantage for one’s self – to suck up to, in other words. In any case, I assume that the creator of the prestigious Schmoozeworthy Blog award meant to honour blogs worthy of being talked, or schmoozed, about, which does not quite meet either meaning of schmooze. Yiddish words often get used more for their sound than their sense.”Over to you, folks …
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Free Books? God Bless You, Andrew Nugent
“Sergeant Molly Power of the Irish Police Force Murder Squad is on duty when the call comes in. A young African man, Shad, has been attacked and left for dead on the Dublin Mountains. He crawls to the nearest house and raises the alarm, but he dies later in hospital. Shad’s injuries are strange and deeply disturbing. Was he the victim of a racist attack, sadism, a punishment, or some mysterious sacrificial ritual? Inspector Quilligan and Molly Power launch a murder investigation like none they have ever experienced before.”Oooh, spooky. To be one of three lucky readers who get their hands on a gratis paperback copy of Second Burial ahead of the sweaty posse, just answer the all-important question: What is the title of Andrew Nugent’s debut novel? Vote early and often, people, via dbrodb(at)gmail.com, putting 'Andrew Nugent free books' in the subject line. Oh, and don’t forget to leave an address where we can send the book. The closing date is Friday, August 3.
“No, WE’RE Brian. And So Are Our Lovely Mothers-In-Law.”
“Now I hate to be a spoilsport, but by Midsummer Day this year I had already read three crime novels involving crucifixion (Ken Bruen, Allan Guthrie and Frenchman Arnaud Delalande, you know who you are.) … I can understand the gruesome appeal of this method of execution, widely attributed to the Roman Empire, although they borrowed the technique from the Greeks, who had in turn stolen the idea from the Persians. But enough is enough. Can’t we just look on the bright side of life for once?”Mike? You just might want to avert your eyes from Paul Charles’ forthcoming The Dust of Death, and Brian McGilloway’s 2008 follow-up to Borderlands, Gallows Lane. Meanwhile, can anyone out there nail down (ouch) any more examples of crime fiction crucifixions? The comment box is officially open, people …
“Ya Wanna Do It Here Or Down The Station, Punk?” # 394: Scott Mariani
What crime novel would you most like to have written?
L.A Confidential by James Ellroy.
Who do you read for guilty pleasures?
M.J. Rose, author of sexy thrillers The Venus Fix and The Halo Effect. One hot lady, and a great writer.
Most satisfying writing moment?
Getting a letter from a female reader telling me she was in love with my main character Ben Hope.
The best Irish crime novel is …?
That’s a hard one. There are lots of good ones. But I really loved The Grounds by Cormac Millar.
What Irish crime novel would make a great movie?
Am I allowed to say my own one? I do have a film producer interested ... Seriously, though, I think The Four Courts Murder by Andrew Nugent has a lot of film potential. I’d want to change the title, though - no offence, Andrew.
Worst / best thing about being a writer?
The worst: sitting around, waiting, hoping for publishers to get back to you. The best: when the juices are flowing and you know a really good story is coming together.
The pitch for your next novel is …?
Who really killed Mozart? And how is that connected to the brutal murder, two centuries later, of pianist Oliver Llewellyn? Ex-SAS man Ben Hope investigates.
Who are you reading right now?
Nothing. Last thing I finished was another in a long line of John Grisham novels.
The three best words to describe your own writing are …?
‘Scott Mariani is ...’ Now, if you’d asked for six words, you might have found out something!
Scott Mariani’s The Fulcanelli Manuscript is available in all good bookshops